it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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