At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
