I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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