Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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