My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
