There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
