i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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