i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Boobs are out for the taking
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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