I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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