I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
did you just send me my own nude
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
