well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
