what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
