you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
