After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
