she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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