My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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