I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
