What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
