How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
