people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
