my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm like, not good at living.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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