Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
