I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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