just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
