I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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