I think im going to throw up on grandma
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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