I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
