Your tits are I can't wait for
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I AM VODKA MAN
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
