Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
