I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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