Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Sext me about skeletons
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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