she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
