I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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