Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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