covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
