my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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