foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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