I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
