1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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