Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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