Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
