is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
