i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
