i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
