just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
