Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
