i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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