Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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