You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
