I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
When are your genitals available?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
