you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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