Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
