Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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