so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
