did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You are the jesus of drinking
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
