Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
